Guest Post: Trasnparency & Boundaries
I believe transparency comes with growth and freedom from the opinion of others. The moment I stopped being ashamed of my journey, I began to accept the teachable moments and look forward to encouraging other women.
I think social media is great but it has desensitized us.
-Ciara
Everything is not about us. We experience certain situations to help others navigate through tough terrain. It brings me great joy to be able to share my story and say, “Sis, I know you can get through this because I did.”
It is important to mention that while I am pretty much an open book, I do believe in boundaries. As much as I share, I draw the line with certain things. I do not spill every single detail of my life. I already offer A LOT of information about my experiences as a wife, mom and rising entrepreneur. However, that does not mean that I am obligated to tell anything.
I think social media is great but it has desensitized us. We circulate triggering videos and our empathy usually only lasts for a few days. We feel entitled to information that isn’t any of our business, likely the result of everyone oversharing. I have seen someone post about the loss of a loved one and before offering condolences, others asking what the cause of death was. Probing is the norm. These things would not be as common if more people were willing to set boundaries.
I have compiled a list of things that help me to maintain transparency for my tribe while also providing privacy for my family.
· Respect your spouse and children. If my family does not want me to talk about a specific topic, I simply don’t. I never want to entertain others at my family’s expense. I refuse to be a public success but a private failure. However you decide to share your story, The bottom line is to make sure it does not make anyone else feel uncomfortable.
· Talk about the difficult things. Be honest about the highs AND the lows. Do not share the highlight reel then hide the not so pretty moments. You have to learn how to take the darkness and develop the negatives into a positive picture. So many women suffer in silence because there are not enough women willing to share their detours and obstacles along the journey.
· Do not discuss finances. Iyanla Vanzant credited this mistake for the demise of her marriage. I have a rule for whenever I am asked about my earnings. If you are not hiring me or negotiating a contract, then my salary should not concern you. People ask about your financial situation solely to determine what level of respect they should give you.
· Create memories. Ditch the cell phones and enjoy face to face interaction. Don’t miss out on a fond memory, because you wanted to capture a moment for the gram. This shows your family and friends that you value their company. Intimacy > the internet. Balance is primary!
· Pay it forward. One of the reasons I share my story is because I know there will always be a woman going through the same thing that I overcame. I use my testimony as a beacon of light and ray of hope.
We all have a testimony that can free someone else. We can be depressed or choose to learn valuable lessons from our trials and tribulations; It is all about perspective. Every single heartbreak, disappointment or bad experience was the fuel necessary to pursue my purpose. It has given me the expertise to pull another woman from her pit of despair. No matter how rough your life has been, if God can be glorified in the end, it is worth it. Being transparent serves others, while creating boundaries communicates self-love. Here’s to reaching new heights of liberation and deeper depths of wisdom.