Selfishly Saying NO for Finances' Sake
If you’re someone like me, you will give the shirt off your back to anyone who asks. Without hesitation or a second thought you’re always willing to help someone out. While I do believe it’s important that we spread positivity into this world and that we should feel obligated to do what we can, this personality type often suffers in the financial department. For some it’s not easy saying no. For those of us who continue to struggle financially, saying no is a must.
I was raised that you should never refuse someone a hot meal, a cold glass of water, and sincere hospitality. As I worked my way up the career ladder I took these beliefs to also mean that I always had to say yes anytime someone asked me for money. Even when I had to count my own coins to pay my bills I still made sure others were straight. Mama taught me, “don’t lend it if you’re going to miss it” and a cousin of mine preached “if I can’t come back and ask you for what you’re asking of me now, the answer is no”. Taking these two ideals, I created my own philosophy.
I’ve learned that if I’m not flexible enough with my finances to budget in the help I give to others while still doing everything I need and want to do, I simply cannot help other people. If I have to go without to give someone else, I can’t give. And if you continuously ask me for the same thing over and over and I continuously give to you, I’m enabling you to depend on me for your financial needs. Mama and daddy didn’t raise a fool.
As women, we create burdens being the backbone for those who depend on us. We can’t get ourselves together because we’re too busy making sure others are straight. If we’re not right with ourselves we can’t be right for others. If saying no is hard try saying I can’t or not right now. Helping others shouldn’t be a chore. It should also come at no expense of you and what you’re working hard to achieve.
Being financially smart is sometimes being selfish. Be very selfish with stacking your emergency fund (my belief is two months worth of expenses). Be very selfish paying your bills on time. Be very selfish with minimizing credit card debt (NEVER pay only the minimum on interest bearing bills). Be very selfish with investing time and resources to understand how you can make your money work for you.
The best help you can possibly give someone is to teach them to stand on their own. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
-Chantelle