How Your Childhood Affects Your Relationships
Lovers! Have you ever thought about how your childhood impacts your marriage/ relationships? If you’ve tuned into our live feed in May then you know that we’ve been breaking down this complex topic. We all have our issues and in most cases they stem from our family dynamics. Children are sponges, so whatever we see while growing up will more than likely be carried on into our adulthood. However, it is up to us to break these unhealthy generational cycles.
Were your physical needs met but not your emotional needs? We all know that food, shelter, and clothing are basic necessities; but shouldn’t we group emotions into that category? Emotional stability is just as important as anything else one may need for survival. If your emotional needs weren’t met as a child, then chances are when you're adult you will be either (a) searching for those needs to be met in all the wrong places or (b) unable to meet the needs of your partner and your own children.
Were you allowed to discuss your emotions in your household? If your partner has a hard time discussing their feelings, its more than likely because they weren’t given the platform to do so as a child. We all know the saying “children are to be seen and not heard”, this saying takes a child's voice away and replaces it with an uneasy feeling when it comes time to discuss their emotions or anything else that may be affecting them. If you were unable to address your emotions as a child, then 9 times outta 10 you wouldn't be able to address them as an adult.
Have you witnessed your parents show each other affection? Our emotional behaviors are all learned. If you see your parents being affectionate (hugs, kisses, holding hands) then that will become your norm and you will want to emulate that as an adult. However, if you grow up in a single family household, or without your parents providing a good example of what a healthy and loving relationship is; then it will be harder for you to create one on your own.
Did your parents yell a lot? The ability to effectively communicate is a key component of any relationship. If all you see while growing up is your parents yelling at you or each other then that will become your norm. When you become an adult you will struggle with communication and be prone to receiving mistreatment from your partner because you will think that is okay even though it is not.
If you’re in a relationship and can relate to one of these problems, I want you to take a step back and think about how you wanted to feel back then. After you think about it, discuss those feelings with your spouse; let them know that you want to show these emotions but you lack the skills necessary to do so. Hopefully you find this post useful and recognize the toxic trait within yourself that needs to be broken.
Until Next Time,
Talesa